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Angela Bucher

finding freedom from religion through deconstruction and motherhood

How To Embrace Change When It Makes You Anxious

Healing

“Oh no not again,” I anxiously muttered under my breath. I knew our lives would change once again, but I am sick and tired of moving. 

We live in the middle of rolling hills and wheat fields with a green treed canyon on the other side.  Spring is carried by the whispers of the wind long before it actually arrives.  Nature never fights change.  It invites, embraces, and anticipates the change in seasons. 

I become stiff and rigid as the seasons of my own life ebb and flow.  It seems our lives are constantly changing. To be honest it makes me crazy.

In the ten years that I have been married, we have moved six times and we’re about to do it again.  I fight against the rampant irritability that lurks below the surface.

change anxious

nature has something to teach us.

Fall drifted into winter.  The trees shed their dead leaves.  I braced myself, feet firmly planted, as the bitter cold wind whipped against my face.  It was annoying to watch how the trees swayed, almost danced in the wind.  The biting cold air burned deep in my lungs.  Suddenly I heard the word surrender from somewhere inside in my spirit.

I don’t desire to surrender.  I want things to stay the same.  We built this place from an overgrown field of weeds.  The shit storms we walked through just to get here still plague me.  What was it all for?

Three years is just long enough for us to get settled.  My kids and I are finally making friends.  I don’t mind leaving places, but I despise leaving people.  Rather than looking ahead to the adventure that awaits us, I’m stuck dwelling on what we are losing and leaving behind. 

Trees have roots that hold them in place, I complain, in this lively conversation, I seem to be having with myself.  They aren’t traveling from one edge of the forest to the other.  That’s why they are strong and sturdy. 

No, they are strong and sturdy because the winds of adversity cause their roots to crawl and reach down deep.  If they don’t bend and sway they snap, break, and crash to the forest floor below. 

Guys, this is a real thing! A study was done on trees, planting them in a biodome with the perfect growing conditions of soil water and light. The trees only grew so tall before they began falling over. What was missing? They soon discovered that trees need wind for their roots to grow deep.

“Whatever it’s still stupid,” knowing that I have somehow lost the upper hand in my deeply justified and slightly maniacal conversation with myself.

Fighting change won’t stop it

The secret to navigating change is learning to bend, letting go of the need to control our uncomfortable emotions.  Here are some thought-provoking questions I ask myself after I’ve already spent weeks sulking and stomping around the house.

What underlying fear is causing this anxiety.

Does my resistance to change accomplish anything?

Can I use this situation to learn something new about myself and the hidden strength that lies buried inside me?

When I start asking questions it allows me to see more clearly.  It always begins and ends with my very real need for certainty and stability.

Change is the only thing that’s certain. We can dance with the winds of change if we learn to surrender and let go. What exactly are we surrendering to though? We’re surrendering to our emotional seasons, turning towards our emotions, instead of shutting them down. Whether it’s a season of grief, anger, sadness, or celebration, rest in that season.

I no longer try to control, manage or suppress my hard emotions. I’m ok being messy and imperfect. I welcome the mess, knowing that the bitter cold winters usher in the intoxicating newness of spring.

change anxious

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Hello, I’m Angela!


I have known great suffering in this world, but I have also experienced true and lasting joy.

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An author by accident🔹Redeeming Destiny: Dancing Into Unexpected Truth🔸There’s buried treasure in our messes...

Angela Bucher


Everything we need to know about life, we can lear
Everything we need to know about life, we can learn from a toddler. 
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Hell hath no fury like a toddler scorned. 
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Not even kidding. For 45 minutes she screamed with all the fury her little body could hold, she threw things, she writhed and rolled and flailed about. 
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During her meltdown I was thinking, wow this is a whole lot of negative energy being put out into the world. Once the raging storm subsided though, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that all that energy didn’t stay stuck inside her little body. She instinctually knows how to get it all out and she wasn’t stopping until her body was spent. 
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Rewind six years and my oldest often did the same but was met with my own intense rage, using the fear of punishment to regain or maintain control. The difference between the two is palpable. 
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I can’t help but think that toddlers hold all the secrets to living life completely in touch with their emotional bodies. 
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When we punish ourselves or attempt to suppress our own emotions, we inevitably do the same with our kids, but I’ve learned the more we allow ourselves and others to feel, the more we heal. ❤️
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#motherhood #motherdaughter #healthyself #motherwound #toddlers #toddlertantrums #emotionalregulation #selfregulation #emotionsmatter #energy #energyiseverything #daughterlove #daughters #healthymom #nomorepunishment

The best thing that has ever happened to me is mot
The best thing that has ever happened to me is motherhood. 
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Currently sandwiched between my two spitfires. In walks lily, ever grounding, between the two. 
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As we lay here I can’t help but think about all that each of these beautiful souls have taught me in how to be a better human. 
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Abby(oldest)...at six years old no longer excepting an apology from me for my out of control rage, because I was just “going to do it again.” In that moment she lit a flame that’s continued to burn towards healing and wholeness. 
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Lily... who melted into tears at the first sound of a raised voice, which in turn melted my own hardened heart into softness. 
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Shiloh... full of fire and fearless because, well, by the third I’ve learned some things about my own trauma, triggers, and still unhealed places. 
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Each kid has had a very different mother, but all three have taught me more than anything how to love better. They’ve shown me all the places that still haven’t healed and even as i work towards wholeness, they too become more whole humans that hopefully won’t have to unravel as much as I’ve had to. 
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Let your kiddos teach you all the wisdom their little uncaged souls already know...
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#momsofinstagram #momssupportingmoms #motherdaughter #motherwounded #motherhoodunplugged #kidshavewisdom #healing #healingjourney #daughterlove #daughtersarethebest #daughters

Strawberry, blueberry, banana @kachavatribe shake.
Strawberry, blueberry, banana @kachavatribe shake. Y’all this is the only way to start your day. I’m not kidding when I say this is packed with all things healthy and good!

It’s time... time to move forward, to start drea
It’s time... time to move forward, to start dreaming of and then creating the life I’m meant to live. 
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It’s been a long journey through narrow valleys, wondering if I’d ever make it to the base of the mountain, let alone the long climb to the top. 
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I’ve been looking in the review mirror for three years, uncovering layers of hidden baggage that I’ve packed around for most of my life. 
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I’ve unraveled all the stories that have kept me stuck. Trauma, shame, abandonment, religion.  Releasing it all, surrendering to the process, and trusting the unfolding. 
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If you’re in the beginning stages of your healing process and it still feels like too much, too hard, too painful... don’t give up. 
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You’re worth it. This one beautiful life we live is worth it. One day you’ll breathe a deep sigh of relief as you realize you made it through. 
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Healing is messy. It’s not pretty.  When you climb out of the valley and you get to the base of that mountain, turning your gaze upwards, finally believing you have what it takes to make it to the top, there’s nothing on earth quite like it, except maybe the view expanding out before you after you climb that last little trek. 
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For a once drug addicted, lost, and wandering around wounded human to be standing where I am now is beyond me, but if I can do it anyone can and today I’m just so filled with gratitude...
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#gratitude #healing #healingjourney #beautiful #breathe #breathedeeply #connected #heartcentered #addiction #yourenotbroken #writerofig #writerlife #wordsarepower #walkinghomeless

I hold my babies close, safe and warm, well fed, w
I hold my babies close, safe and warm, well fed, well nurtured, living lives without fear. 
.
My mama heart aches for people literally having to flee for their lives. 
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Reading this email from @preemptivelove today makes me feel sick to my stomach. The powerful desecrating human lives because of greed. Families torn apart, children living in unimaginable fear. 
.
We need the Divine Mother to be returned to her rightful place guys, to nurture us back to health, from 3500 years of our patriarchal war minded ways

What if instead we sit, get quiet and still, in th
What if instead we sit, get quiet and still, in this allegoric or literal hell, until the fire has enough time to transform us, time to renew us, time to teach us timeless truths about ourselves and the world around us...
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#awakeningsoul #transformation #quietthechaos #lovetransforms #eternalflame #hell #light #lightworker #stillness #stillnessspeaks #stillnesswithin


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