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Angela Bucher

My Journey Towards Healing And Wholeness

How To Love People : Love Is The Opposite Of Control

faith· Healing

“Love is the opposite of control.”

Glennon Doyle

My first big roller coaster ride was terrifying. Are you a hand in the air screaming with delight kind of person? I am not! If you’re like me, you might have a white-knuckled grip on life. Loving people will require that we give up our illusions of control, safety, and sameness. We can love people better by giving up control, but we have to learn to let go.

We live in a world that is becoming increasingly polarized by religion, politics, ideologies, race, and sexual orientation. 

Is it even possible to stop the bleeding? 

This side, that side, left, right, us, them, in, out.

The rhetoric has become all too exhausting on social media and in our everyday interactions with one another. How on earth do we love people well.

Only two things are said to have been God-breathed.  One is the Bible.  The other is us.  Why have we revered the Bible so highly, all while treating the very humans that have been created in God’s image so poorly over doctrine, theology, and politics?

The answer is fear.

Fear fuels the fire for control.   

DO YOU HAVE FAITH OR RELIGION

After I left a life of drug addiction behind, the church was the first place I had ever felt safe, loved, accepted, and cared for.  I had finally found a sense of family that I’d spent half my life longing for.  I belonged somewhere. Now, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, rejected by the church for my wily ideas and my risky ways.

I’m fearless, curious, and just crazy enough to believe that I don’t have all the answers. These things are all required if we are going to truly love people rather than seeking to control them.

I’ve also learned to listen, which wasn’t something I was naturally good at. Different perspectives always felt like opposition and rejection because the person wasn’t opposing me necessarily but rejecting the Bible.

I couldn’t understand how two people could read the same Bible and arrive in two different places. There was only one interpretation of the scriptures. A disagreement meant that someone else must be reading their Bible wrong, right?

Silly me!

COLONIZED CHRISTIANITY

I am an insatiable reader. The number of books piled high in my room might shock you. I know, I know, it’s a problem.  

My new favorite genre of books to read are historical fiction.  Reading history has radically changed my perspective on so many deep levels. 

Much of where I now stand in my faith came with a new understanding of Colonized Christianity. I had never heard the term until just recently.

The Invention of Wings, a fictional book written about the Grimke Sisters, who were pioneers in the abolishment of slavery and women’s equality was the book that began my journey. You can learn more about them by clicking here.

I read each page with a growing sense of heartbreak.  Then anger.  Suddenly understanding that people, Christians, invoked the name of Jesus to inflict harm and punishment on other humans in an effort to control them.

I began to understand the way people of color related to God and the Bible as a lifeline for hope, freedom, and justice. 

The stories in the Bible were a freedom song for slaves from the systems of oppression.

Those very same scriptures that were meant to bring life and freedom were being used by white slaveholders as a weapon against the slaves they believed they “owned.”

I soon discovered that the church has not always been a safe place for ALL people.  I remembered my time in Africa, the very real tension that existed between white colonizers and native South Africans.  Looking to our nearby reservation, still seeing the lingering effects of oppression.  People being stripped of their dignity, agency, and their cultural histories.  I began reading everything I could about different cultures. 

DO YOU USE THE BIBLE AS A WEAPON?

Rather than integrating ourselves and immersing ourselves in becoming learners of one another, we’ve gone in and obliterated other cultures, requiring them to believe the way we believe, and to worship the way we worship, as if our way is the only right way.

Religion seeks to control while faith seeks freedom.

Never again… 

There is a smoldering fire burning inside of me.  A plea and groaning for equality among all people, for all people.  I find myself having far more questions than definitive answers these days.

People often ask me now, “do you have scriptures to back that up?” 

Of course I do.  We all do.  Every single one of us has our pocket full of scriptures that we can pull out at any given moment to reinforce and prove our point.  To win our theological disagreements.

I no longer engage in these kinds of conversations, because the temptation of Jesus in the desert has a much deeper meaning lurking beyond the surface. 

I believe that the deeper meaning was to show us not to get into scripture wars.  Satan says, it is written…  Jesus replies with, it is also written… 

Don’t you see it?  If we are using the Bible as a weapon to win theological wars we’ve already lost.  This is the reason we have so many different denominations and factions. It’s time to rid ourselves of all that divides and finds that which unites.

OH NO NOT POLITICS!

The world feels like it’s on fire, doesn’t it? Any time someone appears to be opposing us or our ideas the whole thing blows up and I notice that nobody on either side of the debate is really listening to the other person. We can’t get our responses out quickly enough to prove that the other person is wrong.

Opposing ideas do not have to mean against. It just means different. Neither is wrong or right. I see it every day in my own marriage. Never have two people been more opposite, but yet we learn from one another because we love each other.

The same rule can be true for politics. Neither side is wrong or right. Our culture is very binary, meaning we perceive everything as black and white, right or wrong.

We seek to control that which we don’t understand.

If we are going to love people well, we must get rid of this side that side mentality. Social media has become bat shit crazy. I can’t stand to see people ripping one another to shreds over race, religion, and politics.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  Imagine a world where we are able to disagree on things and still find unity.  Now imagine a world where you don’t have to imagine it.

love control

the secret to loving others who are different

Love: Since love starts in the home let’s start there. Love is the opposite of control.

For so many years I attempted to control who my husband was and everything he did. I also did the same with my kids through fear and punishment.

Not anymore.

Acceptance and love now rule in our home. I needed to learn how to let others be exactly who they are, not who I believe they should be. You can read more about my journey here.

Ego: Guys, our egos are designed to defend and protect, to keep us safe from perceived threats.

Whenever someone elicits a strong defensive posture in us it’s generally our ego taking over. Notice this, welcome it, and thank your ego for keeping you safe. Say “thanks old friend, but I’ve got this one.” Reassure yourself that you are not under attack, no need to defend.

For resources on ego work and healing click here.

Control: Whenever we notice ourselves trying to change or control how someone else believes or behaves, we need to ask ourselves what the underlying fear is. Our feeble attempts to control others becomes a distraction from ourselves and often short circuits our own healing instead.

Love desires connection and relationship.

Control creates divisions and walls.

If we are going to live in this world together without destroying one another, change begins with us.

It’s time to lay down our swords.

If you are a reader like me, drop a comment below for the list of books that have transformed my life for the better!

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Comments

  1. Kimberly says

    January 18, 2021 at 8:12 am

    Thank you for the reminder!

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Hello, I’m Angela!


I have known great suffering in this world, but I have also experienced true and lasting joy.

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align.with.ease

Author of Redeeming Destiny Book. Yoga Certified AND Holistic Wellness Coach ❤️ Forever on a journey towards healing and wholeness!

Angela Bucher


Four months… one thing after the next…
.
A sep

Four months… one thing after the next…
.
A separation, the death of a brother, and a cherry of betrayal thrown on top make for a not so pleasant cocktail of grief. 
.
This is what I’m learning through it all. 
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One: there’s literally no way around it. Best just to accept that this is where I am. 
.
Two: only when were truly feeling into the depths of our grief are we made softer, kinder, stronger. Allow grief to wash away the ragged edges. 
.
Three: the tears you cry will create a noticeable glow. 
.
Four: and this is the most important. This time in my life has cracked wide open the very portal I needed to be opened and given me direct access to every devastating hurt  I’ve held in my body for far too long. From the tragic death of a mom as a young girl, to betrayal and abandonment. 
.
Life gives us exactly what we need when we need it and as painful as it’s been, the opportunity it’s provided me is unreal. All those deeply suppressed places are now coming to the surface and I get to transform them from the place of deep knowing, understanding, and compassion. 
.
What a fucking beautiful, wild, and sacred journey each of our lives are. 
.
Life is so worth living even in the messiest of moments. 💞💞💞

What in your life do you hold as sacred?
.
Our bod

What in your life do you hold as sacred?
.
Our bodies may just be the most sacred place on the planet. 
.
Why?
.
Your body is the home you inhabit. The portal that connects Heaven and earth. There is no more sacred place on earth. 
.
Do you treat it as such?
.
.
.
#sacred #sacredjourney #holy #selflove #selfhealingjourney

All the pretty colors! Let’s be honest I didn’
All the pretty colors! Let’s be honest I didn’t used to eat or even drink this many fruit and veggies in a month let alone days… what a beautiful gift life can be!

Doctors are a critical part of our world, especial
Doctors are a critical part of our world, especially when emergencies happen, like broken bones or heart attacks but the western allopathic model of healthcare has been designed to do two things…

Medicate or 
Operate

Most health issues are nutrition related and even if they aren’t can still be healed with proper nutrition. 

Which brings me to nutritionists. Do you know how many nutritionists end up finding @healthmasteryinstitute and literally say… oh my gosh I’ve never heard of this. 😳

These are frightening truths when we place our trust into the hands of another to fix our problems. 

If only we knew that we can heal, that our bodies are so damn miraculous and designed to do just that!

We’ve been conditioned to believe that a pill or a surgery will fix us, but don’t you see that it was designed that way to keep people sick. Without sick people there’s no money to be made. 

Why is HMI different?
✅  detoxification
✅ importance of a well  taken care of liver. 
✅all the functions of the body
✅macronutrients 
✅micronutrients
✅essential vitamins and minerals
✅hormones, thyroid, adrenals
✅nutrition while pregnant
✅ nutrition from birth to old age
✅superfoods

Seriously there is nothing that I’m not learning about through this school! It’s incredible and you can trust the process and the protocols because there’s no agenda other than to empower people to thrive in life!

Bringing in the full moon, remembering our shared
Bringing in the full moon, remembering our shared humanity. 
.
Releasing all the old stuff back into the arms of the divine, and setting my intention to forgive the current stuff going on. 
.
If you’ve been wounded in any way, and all of us have it’s essential for ourselves, for our health, and for humanity that we truly dig into what forgiveness is and isn’t…
.
And to free ourselves

Coffee enemas… oh the dread that first comes up
Coffee enemas… oh the dread that first comes up when you tell someone they cannot juice fast without them. Non-negotiable. 

Your body flushes out so many toxins while juice fasting that if you’re not getting the toxins out they re-enter the blood stream causing even more toxicity. 

Once people do them consistently though, they are nothing short of amazed by how good they feel after. 

I also tell people all the time that the absolute best cure for a headache is a coffee enema. 

Our blood circulated through the liver 5 times in the 15 minutes of holding the coffee enema in. 

Not to mention most people are walking around with 10 to 25 pounds of compacted💩 in their large intestines!

If you do nothing else for your health start a daily practice of coffee enemas!
I swear you’ll thank me later!
@healthmasteryinstitute



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